Breaking News: Tel Aviv Refugee Camp Attacked by Palestinian Military
A Satire by Brian Wood, May 23, 2002
In the latest round of unending violence in the Middle East, thousands soldiers from the Force 17, Yassir Arafat’s elite personal guard, hundreds of tanks and specially-trained commando units invaded the Tel Aviv Refugee Camp. Reports of up to 100 deaths in the first two days of fighting led Palestinian Minister of Information and Culture Yassir Abed Rabbo to label the operation a “massacre.” He was quickly chided by President Arafat, who downplayed the latest Palestinian military strike against the Israeli terrorist infrastructure as “solidly in tune with our right to national defense.”
President George W. Bush phoned President Arafat on Sunday urging him to “tear it up baby!” He expressed his pleasure that justice was being brought to “those who wish to attack civilization.” ABC news reported Arafat’s response to that was, “Thanks, George. Just keeping sending us weapons.”
The operation labeled “Wipe away the past” received widespread global support. EU Foreign Minister Javier Slovana, on a visit to the area couldn’t hedge his glee: “If the Palestinian Military is this good, we should incorporate them into our plans for the war on terror.” Russian President Vladimir Putin called the operation “Good for the democratic world.” Meanwhile, Prime Minister of Israel, Ariel Sharon expressed his shock that the world supported the killing of so many of its civilians. Locked in his Negev headquarters by Elite commando units from the Palestinian military, hundreds of sheep shuffling and cooing in the background, he said, “Can we stand for this? We have funerals every day. Who can stand for this?”
The Tel Aviv Refugee Camp was built in 1948 and incorporates 15,000 people from 70 villages. It is a very crowded, impoverished shantytown built on less than one square kilometer near the Mediterranean Sea. One resident, standing amidst the ruins of his home said, “I may not have a home now, but at least we have the beach.”
The UNRWA, responsible for the educational, health, and social affairs of all 4 million Israeli refugees reported that over 800 homes had been either totally destroyed by Apache helicopters, tank fire, or bulldozed. Some people were buried alive in their homes and their bodies were being dug out Monday. The smell of death was everywhere. One man who survived 4 days trapped under his home said, “I slept next to my dead wife for days. Fortunately, she cooked a meal just before the Palestinians came so I had food to eat. How else could I have survived?”
Upon hearing of the plight of the refugees in the camp, thousands of Pro-Israeli groups all over the world bulldozed their houses on themselves in solidarity with those in the camp. Some said they gathered all the children into the home and set off timed explosive devices to ensure that it would be a family experience. They rationed their food and drank little water while under the rubble “to walk as our brothers and sisters.”
One young woman in California had a heart attack upon watching one family gather inside their home and then explode it on themselves. She is reported to be in stable condition at Rosemary Hospital and had this to say about what she saw: “I have never seen someone blow their own house up on themselves. Are they crazy? What has this world come to?”
Brian Wood is a Coloradan who is working to confront the illegal Israeli military occupation of the West Bank and Gaza. For more information, go to www.ccmep.org